Wednesday, May 22, 2013


Garamond is keeping me company while I sit on the floor writing. Today has been emotional and I’ve been avoiding it all day. I don’t want to deal with it, but I have to.

My present life isn’t hard exactly, but dealing with my past is. I have to find the source of this torture. Maybe in some weird way I am looking for a place to belong - a family of my own. I have an overwhelming fear of everything. I fear the unknown, of taking risks, and failure of any sort.

I battle myself everyday and have to make myself do little stuff to help my confidence and get over these irrational fears.

I just want to forget and be happy, but I can’t.  I want to escape and not think about all the bad stuff that happened and made me cry.

My family crumbled, fell apart, and I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t help them. I needed them and they were not there. 

(Written 3-19-13)

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